A Season for Everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. 

~Ecclesiastes 3:1~

In my thirties, I'm learning there really does seem to be a season for everything.  For me, there is a season of depression & anxiety that greets me in late fall & hangs out through the winter.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Low vitamin D.  Wacky hormones.  Call it whatever you like.  Welcome to the not-so-pretty side of my life.  It's still part of my story, nonetheless.  So, instead of pretending like it doesn't exist, I'm going to do the unthinkable (lol):  I'm going to be authentic & share about it.  ;)   

Gonna be honest...the winter months/gray days can be HARD & some days it makes me want to say bad words.  I consider myself a happy, joyful, positive person.  So, it really irks me when I don't FEEL happy.  It bothers me when I feel a sudden rush of anxiety and can't even explain WHY I'm anxious.  I've often struggled with feelings of guilt & shame.  Guilt, because, in those moments, it "feels" like I'm not a good wife, not a good mom, not a good friend, etc.  Ashamed, because what would everyone really think if they knew that some days I've cried/slept the day away & not wanted to be responsible for anything or anybody??     

Good news!  There is HOPE!  I can't control every aspect of those "feelings," but I've learned a lot about how NOT to let those feelings control my every reaction.  Disclaimer:  Some days I do well; other days I fail.  However, I've learned to seek a right perspective, make small goals & work to accomplish them (baby steps), and seek sound, medical advice. 

First, three cheers for Jesus!  Seriously, folks.  His TRUTH goes a loooonnnngg way in battling negative thoughts.  My feelings may say one thing, but ultimately I know TRUTH.  My feelings may say that I'm failing, but I know that God has great plans for my life.  I know that He loves me.  I know that I have a great family & that He chose Chad & me to parent my two boys.  There are verses filled with God's truth that I just read over & over again.  His truth gives me a right perspective & peace...even when I may "feel" the opposite.  

I probably don't have to tell you that you can't trust feelings or circumstances.  On March 10, 2009, I wrote this in my Bible, as I was looking out the window:

It's a cloudy, windy, chilly day.  When I looked outside, among all the heavy, gray clouds, I noticed a small line of baby blue (bright) sky...just between areas of gray.  As I write, literally in a matter of seconds, the blue sky is expanding & sunlight is suddenly filling my front room.  The gray clouds suddenly gone!  So cool! :)

Made me think about how that blue sky is like God...always there.  Always bright.  Even when there are layers of deep, gray, thick, heavy clouds--beyond them is blue sky.  Just because we cannot always see the blue doesn't mean it's not there.

And so, too, with Jesus.  We may have layers of hurt, sadness, etc. around us...making it difficult (maybe close to impossible) to see God.  Sometimes, we may even wonder if He's really there (depending on how long the "darkness" persists).  But, He is!  He never leaves us.  He is the light...the true light & brightness.  Always present.  

We cannot let "clouds" dictate how we live our lives; we HAVE to think beyond them...they are momentary.

On what I call "down days," I basically wake up with an immediate awareness that I have to overcome something.  (I wish I could remember which friend worded it that way; it really described how I felt.  Thank you, Friend!)  Anyway, by the grace of God, I do my best to get up & get moving...even if it's slowly & kind of just going through the motions.  I do a few routine things, while listening to some upbeat, inspirational music:  Tidy up the kitchen, wipe down bathroom sinks, & make my bed.  Sounds like a chore list for a child, but it works for me.  It's also helpful for me to make a "to do"list, so that I can accomplish other goals & not just wander aimlessly around the house.  Often, once I'm out & about, I don't feel as bluesy.       

Also, I have an awesome doc who, over the years, has patiently listened to me, encouraged me & prayed with me.  She loving advised me to take a small dose of meds to curb that chemical thing going on in the brain.  Also, my vitamin D dips pretty low, in the winter months, so I take a multi-vitamin & a mega supplement of vitamin D.  Low vitamin D can mess with you & make you tired/depressed.  It's so easy to get that level tested & to fix the problem.  Now that I'm realizing this is a pattern, for me, I have a plan for making sure I get enough vitamin D before it becomes a problem next fall.  :) 

Because I have a sense of humor and can laugh at myself, I share this lovely saying I found on Pinterest:   

 

 

 

Yeah.  I wasn't even offended, when I found it.  I laughed outloud, because I am honestly grateful for modern medicine.  :)  For me, I'm comfortable knowing that I can love Jesus & I can take any medications necessary to keep me healthy & well...for myself & to be in the best shape I can be in to love/serve others. 

 

So, there you have it:  A summed up version of my current "season".  With Jesus, little goals & my doctor's advice, I can often see the blue beyond the clouds.  :)  And, spring & summer are just around the corner!